Friday, June 12, 2009

Swedish 101: My old notes. Beware: post is rated R

I was privileged to have a friend at Evolution Robotics who was from Sweden. I discovered that I really enjoy the sound of Swedish because hit has 10,000,000,000 vowel sounds -- Americans have about four or five (mawr if we'r edjamicated). Swedish also uses a lot of words that generally that translate to obscenities, which, in my opinion, is a most important criterion.

Every few days, he'd teach me a new Swedish word or phrase, and put a post-it note on my monitor. Eventually, I got good enough to string simple sentences together like, "The window is wobbly." (Det fönster är sladdrig.) Or, even better: "That woman has those big, wobbly windows." (Det brud har de stor, sladder fönstern.) Accompany this with an obscene gesture, and you'll be welcomed into most universities.

So, let the lessons begin! I have clearly marked the part of speech before each set of Swedish / English translations.


det / den it
ditt / din your
de those
har have / has
tills until
han he
brud girl
Word connector thingies

ja yes
och and
för too
gillar like
"och" is pronounced "ock," and "gillar" is "jihlaar."

Being needlessly polite

Förlåt I'm sorry
Ursäkta mig Excuse me (mig == "may")
Jag skämta (de) bara I kidded only
Hur är läget? How is the position?
Det är lugnt. It is calm.
snubbe A cool guy.
skitstovel shitboot (jerk).
Incidentally, "skit" is pronounced like "wheat." "sk" is my favorite Swedish digraph (so far). It is also one of Sweden's favorite digraphs.

Getting around town

fönster window
Varför? Why?
vad? How?/What?
var? Where?
fan fuck/damn
skit shit
skit fan! WOW!!!!
sjysst nice
skit sjysst very nice
"sj" is similar to "sk" in pronunciation. As far as I remember, "sjysst" is pronounced kind of like "hyst," similar to the first syllable of "hysterectomy." (Incidentally, hysterectomy and hysteria share the same root word. Don't tell the womyn.)

Descriptive terms

hård hard
styv hard (penis)
sladder wobbly
sladdrig wobbly
sladdrar is wobbling
stor big
liten small
jävligt very
full drunk
ful ugly
fet fat
Apparently "stor" is pronounced "stoor."
My notes also say: "fiet" Oike (oilce?) fiat. I wish I could read my writing. Continuing.

Common greeting phrases

Be! Beg!
ber begs
bad begged
Be om nåd, svenne! Beg about mercy, swede!
I helvete heller! In hell either/neither (like HELL!)
Det ska du skita i! It shall you shit in! (None of your business)
jävla skit! fucking shit!

Drinking and dating

sug suck
Sup skallen i bitar! Drink the head to (in) pieces!
Rattan mein kuk! Drive my dick!
Rattan mein titten Drive my breasts!
The last two phrases, if you say them, will make sense to no one.

Unfortunately, I don't have the real Swedish spelling of the following phrase. It is presented in a pseudo-phonetic English:

Ah-preel, Ah-preel, din duma sill, yawg kun loorah day vart yawg veal-eh.
means, "April, april, you stupid herring. I can trick any way I will."

And finally, my first Swedish phrase:
Loora kawka means quadriceps cookie. This refers to what happens if you hit the upper part of your leg really hard.