Change and the truth

The fact is: the truth is plainly obvious to those who have willingness to accept it, and have the desire for something different. For example, I have my own problems, and plenty of them. Furthermore, I hide those problems from myself, and lie to myself that they had ever existed. Likewise, she's intelligent -- she knows the truth, and she lies to herself. And again, likewise, when "reminded," intellectually, of her real situation, she becomes obstinate and angry, much like a wounded animal that has been backed into a corner. I'm sure that the two of you also know the truths about your marriage and one another. But you've found some sort of minimally functional way of carrying on, without fully dealing with the real deep problems. I've often wondered why mental illnesses are so often associated with high intelligence, and perhaps it lies in the ability of brilliant minds to create such detailed and elaborate self-deceptions. All of us operate this way, until we have the overwhelming desire for change in our lives.

This change is borne in our convictions. In all of us, we have unwavering strengths and passions that God has blessed us with -- and these are the points where we can begin to battle evil in our lives. I know, from my own experience and counseling, that I will always have an overwhelming and irrational desire to seek approval from my father. This can be considered a negative attribute, but at the same time, a hidden strength. I can, and do, seek perfection in the tasks that I set for myself, to illustrate to others (and dad) that I am worthy of him. I am driven to repair that which is broken (so that, somehow, I will receive the approval, from my father, that I crave). But now that I am aware of this fault of mine, and I am now free of this burden. I can now challenge myself to mend the broken things, but instead of seeking approval and glory for myself, I can offer my time as a sacrifice that glorifies my heavenly Father, who has already fully accepted me, loved me, and blessed my life. And now I can kill the sinful need that I was born into -- sin passed on from my father's father, to my father, and then to me -- I can send it to the grave; I can name it Evil, and bury it at the foot of the cross, and pray that a new life and joy will fill my wicked heart that is so ignorant of the words from Psalm 139: "How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand."